For every question I get in the chat during my pronoun presentation, I get at least 3 via email from both LGBTQA+ folks and allies alike. They all start the same. They say things like “thank you so much” and “I can’t believe my company hired someone like you.” It’s the similarities at the end that kill me.
Whether the person is queer or an ally, they tell me about the struggles they have with “a few people on the team.” There’s always one. You know the type. The ones that think the ever-evolving landscape of social justice and conversations around pronouns are some trend like high-waisted jeans. They argue that it doesn’t matter if we have diverse and equitable communities. They ask the kind of questions that make you cringe.
With those people? Walk away. Your sanity (and your paycheck) aren’t worth going to war with someone at work. But as state and federal law evolves to create protections for people, it’s more important to have these conversation and it can’t all be left to your DEI leadership.
Understanding Why
Engaging with individuals who may not be initially receptive to these ideas can be… let’s call it challenging. That’s the nicest word I have for you. There's a lot of reasons why folks aren't as open and it's not just because they're an asshole. I meet a lot of folks with either a lack of awareness, fear of change, or ones who simply don’t understand the need for allyship.
In a world filled with keyboard warriors, these people are used to conversations turning into conflict. That’s why it’s important to just acknowledge that discussions about allyship can be unfamiliar territory for some. Yes, some people are just assholes. But even the people with the best intentions aren’t perfect.
If the person seems genuine in their intent, I also try to share some of my own experiences. I think people will at least try to understand people. I can’t say as much for a policy.
Federal Belonging: Start Conversations Now
On the other hand, the legal landscape is at a point now where HR can’t continue to ignore these problematic skeptics. New federal and state laws can lend weight to your arguments and help your team understand why those “few people on the team” can’t keep operating business as usual.
As I'm sure most of you have read before, federal law prohibits workplace discrimination based on race, color, religion, sex, and national origin. What you may not know is that recent interpretations of Title VII have extended protections to include gender identity and sexual orientation. That means recognizing and respecting diverse identities in professional settings.
Some jurisdictions have also implemented laws explicitly addressing the use of correct gender pronouns in the workplace. An inclusive environment includes respecting individuals' chosen pronouns, and now that practice is supported by legal frameworks in various regions.
Investing In Change: Addressing LGBT+ Skeptics
What can you do now to invest in change and start healthy conversations? Stop ignoring the problem, for one thing. I recently heard about a global CEO that called a town hall. The first thing they said? “If you don’t agree with DEI as a priority, leave.”
I was blown away. I mean, that’s what I’m talking about. I wish that happened everywhere.
For those who aren’t so bold, start with listening. Actively listen to concerns and questions raised by individuals resistant to allyship. Creating a space for open dialogue allows for a more constructive exchange of ideas. Exchange comes before change.
Then, invest in outside experts. Don't put all the emotional burder on internal employees. Hire educators on different identities. For example, maybe you hire a speaker on pronouns in the workplace. (Subtle plug: hire me). Or povide resources like articles that let people explore the topic more at their own pace. Encourage and cheer on the baby steps. Just don’t cut off the conversation if we really want to create a more equitable world for everyone.
