In my 20s, I worked 40+ hour weeks and made barely enough money to pay my bills. That budget did not even include groceries. After my paycheck, I had $29 to eat that month. What I lacked in food, I made up for in money rules like not having credit card debt or getting any kind of aid thanks to a lifetime of financial advice from a military officer that grew up really poor. So, I ate what I could afford and thought had nutritional value: chicken nuggets, spinach, and ranch dressing. I gag just talking about spinach now.
At the time, someone taking me out to dinner felt like a miracle for me. It made my week, not my day. I’m sure those people don’t even remember the lunches, but I do. Often the impromptu “I got this” lunch leftovers were my dinner for 2 days. What felt so small to them was huge for me.
Today, I don’t struggle like that. I never have to take things off the belt at the grocery store because I don’t have the extra $30 to pay for them. I don’t worry that I can’t pay the bill when it comes at the restaurant, even if there is a surprise 20% fee. Paying for my food has become a small worry. Look y’all, childhood finance bootcamp lessons are hard to shake even when I have no reason to worry.
Every time a worry that was so big to me becomes small I find myself believing even more in miracles. Both of my grandmothers experienced financial insecurity as single parents in an era where women couldn’t even have bank accounts. The fact that just two generations later I do not have to worry about food on my table is by all means, statistically and spiritually, a miracle. Not to mention people like me, trans people, don’t often get the opportunity to break a cycle of scarcity.
It is a miracle to be the generation that has drastically different worries. As someone who has lived this transition as the child of a woman who worked hard to break it and the adult who continued that march forward I will tell you it’s not easy and it’s not luck. It’s also not all hard work and determination either, although I believe some combination of all four are at place.
The miracles that happened to me were hand delivered by people. Making an introduction, referring someone to a job, and sometimes paying for lunch. With the privilege I have as a consequence of those gifts, I get to do that for other people. Because maybe those miracles weren’t just gifts that I get but something that I can give away.
So in a world where the problems make us feel so small, each of us can do something. I’m going to start with all the small things.
Small things anyone can do like dropping off food at the local food pantry and buying ramen to give away with candy tonight for Halloween. At work, it’s stuff we can all do like…
- Referrals. If you think someone is great for a gig, send them the job link. Send a message to the recruiter you know.
- Advice. If you tried something, share what you learned.
- Feedback. Not always the nice kind, either. Yes, generosity is telling someone when they're not going down the right path.
- Articles you love. If it's helpful for you, it's probably helpful for that person who popped into your head while you were reading it. You're not bothering them.
- Checking in. A "hey, I was just thinking of you" can make someone's day.
- Write a LinkedIn recommendation. Maybe you help someone get seen today by the right recruiter.
- Share credit publicly. Innovation doesn't happen in a silo. Success is not a pie. You won't run out because you share credit.
- Introduce two people who might learn from each other.
- Invite someone to a lunch (and pay for it.
- Send a card.
Just don't ever forget that the little stuff is the big stuff when the world feels this heavy, ok? And when you don't know what to do? A small act of generosity can be a miracle to someone else.
