The very first chapter of The Bounce Back Factor was written three years ago in a coffee shop in Plattsburgh, NY. I was 9 months into van life and just beginning to settle into the inevitable uncertainty of it all. I felt at peace. Sitting down to write that chapter felt so different from my typical writing sprints. I’d usually squeeze writing in between tasks. On this day, I went slow. I felt like an author for the first time. Maybe it was just the setting: an old house turned coffee shop, surrounded by the smells and quiet murmurs of other coffee goers while the beautiful fall leaves began to turn red and yellow just out the window. It all felt like magic. 

Over the following weeks, I set aside time just to work on that book. It was my sacred writing - a thing I did when I felt inspired and motivated. I would wake up on those crisp fall Saturday mornings, make coffee, then write. I did that for maybe 3 weeks. If you’re a writer, you know the unfortunate truth of this illusive magic. The perfect writing conditions don’t come that often. There’s always something else to do. Not something more magical, but something that feels like a higher priority. As my weekend days disappeared, I would try to make it part of the work week only to watch my special writing project become another dread task. 

There was another demon that, after about 8 chapters, made me shove this book into a folder called “leadership book” to leave it untouched for 2 years: imposter syndrome. 

For all the excuses I could give you about transitions and van life taking up too much time, I know that my imposter syndrome is why I quit writing the first time. Even after years of writing, my imposter syndrome had me convinced I was not an author. The first draft of my book, This Was All An Accident, was created by someone on my team - Melissa. She put all my weekly letters into the format of a book and sent me an email one day with that file. The subject line said “your book” and the only words before her email signature? “See? You’re an author.” 

I don’t know exactly why the author title felt so much bigger than me, but my imposter syndrome kicked in every time someone called me that. This job title should be reserved for people like Glennon Doyle or Ta-Nehisi Coates, not me. I’m just some blogger. All my life, I talked down my talent and myself whenever someone asked if I had a book. “I’m not good enough for that,” I’d say, just adding weight to a lie I was using to sink my dreams.  

In my life, I have won this battle with imposter syndrome - but only because of 2 things: people and purpose. Maybe it’s three things: repetition. This particular belief would not succumb to some switch. It happened little by little each week when I would send my letters to my girlfriend. She would read, offer feedback, then sign each one, “you’re my favorite author.” Just like Melissa did all those years ago, she held up the mirror for me to know I was an author. She didn’t know at the time, but she healed and empowered me. 

I found purpose in Puerto Rico earlier this year where I thought I would write but instead read Ta’Nehisi Coates’ novel The Message. It was divine and just on time. See, it’s a book about why the world needs writers. It was a reminder that stories are uniquely ours and uniquely healing for more than just a writer. They allow us to explore and unleash the truth and make the lies a little smaller. Just like the lie I was telling myself about not being an author. 

When I returned to my new home in Rockford, I went on a writing rampage. This book poured out of me. A love story. Love to those rules I thought protected me. Love for the van life lessons that taught me to handle uncertainty. Love for every mistake that felt so big it was going to ruin my life. Love that I hope will help other people learn, too. Because you don’t have to reroute your life to rewrite these rules your imposter syndrome whispers. You need to fall in love with learning how to bounce back, and I wrote this because I might be able to help.

It’s for every leader who learned rules about work that did not serve them (or their teams). I have some new rules to suggest that we don’t lean into any more. It’s time to learn how to bounce back. 

You can get your copy of The Bounce Back Factor at TheBounceBackFactorBook.com