I hate surprises. I want to pretend and tell you that I love whimsy, but that’s not me. I like a plan. Expectations. 24 hours notice. This makes life rather complicated as life does not operate on a notice-based schedule. Rude. 

Looking back, I think part of me wanted to unplug my hatred of surprises by going into van life. I had one too many moments in the years before I bought the van where surprises completely wrecked me. I didn’t hate the plan. I didn’t hate the people I was doing things with. I hated that I wasn’t expecting it. I ruined entire days for myself because I couldn’t settle into a change of plans.

For those of you eyeing an RV to overcome your hatred of surprises, I’m sad to tell you that van life did not unplug these big reactions. It was more like exposure therapy. I was assaulted with surprises and over the three years on the road, I slowly stopped having big reactions to the next inevitable thing. That’s what happens when you have to drive a mile backwards down a trail or get lost on a trail. If you’ve read my book, The Bounce Back Factor, you’ve heard the stories and know the spoiler: at some point, I even started to welcome surprises.  

Now that I’ve been in a house for a year, I find myself slipping back into the panicked reaction to the next thing. I feel this little “oh no” feeling sneak up. But I’m not going to go on some big van adventure to get practice now. First of all, it’s really cold. I also like running water, fast wifi, and temperature regulation too much. So I’ve been looking for ways to survive the surprises. 

The suggestion that’s helping most was framed in a reflection. It said, “What part of your life today is a surprise from what you planned 10 or 20 years ago?” I can confidently say every single part. 

10 years ago, I was starting my last corporate job. 

20 years ago, I was finishing college. I thought I was going to work at an ad agency and wear suits. I had hair down to my shoulders. 

30 years ago, I thought I’d be a doctor. Hell, I still thought I had crushes on boys. Talk about surprises…

I’m confident in the decades that follow, I’ll surprise myself a million more times. 

Even in these heavy days, I take joy in moments spent reflecting on how these surprises changed my life.  They’re a reminder that enduring change in our lives, and the world, requires one small step at a time. Sometimes, surprising ones.