I’ve written copy for recruiting for 10 years now. I don’t mean “here’s a blog post about recruiting.” I’m referring to the writing we use to attract and hire people for jobs: career sites, social media posts, and of course job posts. I have interviewed people at big companies and small companies. Senior executives and the most junior person. There are few phrases more popular with people who are drinking the corporate Koolaid than this one I happen to hate: “we’re like a family.” 

That’s why I know I made a face when I did the Q&A at a conference recently and a manager asked me what I thought of the phrase, “we’re like a family.” I do not have a poker face. He knew what I was going to say before I said it. For effect, I put the microphone right up to my lips. I whispered, “hate.” The room erupted in laughter. 

I feel bad now. They weren’t laughing at him, they were laughing at my stupid joke, but I think he felt embarrassed. He tried to interrupt the laughter to let me know the employees said it, not him. That’s when I took the chance to explain why I hate this red flag buzzword.

Why I Hate The Phrase “We Are A Family” 

I hate “we are a family” for all the same reasons I hate every buzzword: it doesn’t have universal meaning. If I walked up to a group of people and asked each one privately what “collaborative” means, they would each give me different answers. The same goes for family. 

But meaning is where family is more toxic than most buzzwords. When you ask a table full of people to tell you what family means, someone could cry. Others could leave because of the trauma it brings up in them. Family is not an emotionally neutral word and it most certainly doesn’t have universal meaning. 

To me, that makes the case that the use of the word family is borderline manipulative (even when you didn’t mean it that way). Corporate America is not like a family no matter how much you love your team and want them to succeed. This family will fire you for not showing up unannounced, for missing a benchmark, or just because they want to hit a bottom line. In return for what? You elevate them to the commitment and sacrifice you give to family in your life (assuming that has a positive attribution in your mind)? Lol, no. 

There’s A Better Way To Convey Culture At Work 

In all the interviews and conversations about this phrase, I realize they usually mean the good kind of family. They’re trying to say, “I enjoy being treated well,” but you aren’t conveying unique aspects of a culture if you’re using cliche and overused buzzwords. Instead, get specific. Describe the actions that make people feel like a family. 

If I’m interviewing an employee about their experience and they say, “we’re like a family,” I would ask them a simple follow up question: “what actions show you that? What do you see happening here that isn’t happening at other places?” Whatever they say next? That’s what you coach them to share. That’s what you encourage them to say during interviews. Not the cliche, but the specific actions. 

I’ll use my team as an example. I love them. They are closer to me than some family members. You will never read “we are a family” on a domain I own. Instead, I might say: I trust that if I need a break, I can ask for one and someone will step in. They don’t get mad when I make mistakes. We care about each other and our mental well-being. Those specific behaviors on a careers site? Well that’s far more persuasive than calling us a “family.”