I turned 40 yesterday. In the weeks leading up to this big birthday, I’ve been thinking a lot about younger me. The wild curls. The forced femininity. My hobbies. If you wanted to find me in 9th grade, I was sitting at my desk listening to music and furiously scribbling in my journal.

I collected quotes and lyrics in my teen years. Today when I open up journals from that time, I find that most of the words on the page are someone else’s. I think some part of me thought that what everyone else had to say was a lot more important than what I thought. I was an eager student of the world. I wanted to live a good life from early on and knew there were lessons to be learned from everyone who came before me. 

As I write this letter to celebrate my 40th birthday, I’m also celebrating the fact that I value what I think a lot more than poorly delivered advice and criticism. I am still a student of the Universe and the world, but now I have a filter. I don’t listen to criticism that’s not kind or helpful. It helps. A lot. 

I’m almost to the part where I don’t ask for advice when I already know the answer in my gut. Almost. 

So this week instead of my traditional letter, I want to share a few of the quotes I repeat all the time. My advice. My life lessons. I’ve been collecting them on my desktop all year in a document called “40 pieces of advice for 40 years” and clearly lost steam early. 

But what did make it on this list are a series of things I find myself repeating all the time - to myself and others - that I thought were worth sharing. Advice that I hope you steal and make all your own.

1. Permanent imbalance is toxic and it can break any relationship. 
2. Comparison is a thief of joy. 
3. Stop following made up rules you didn’t make for yourself. 
4. Don’t trust anyone who says they aren’t scared. You can’t be brave if you’re not scared first. 
5. To live a good life, do as much good as possible.
6. You can’t change how you feel about something until you change how you talk about it. 
7. The only person that has to like you is you.  
8. Don’t kiss an ass that’s sh*tting on you. 
9. People were not put on this planet to just work until we die. Do what makes you happy. 
10. Stop waiting to be ready. You are not a cake. 

My birthday wish for you is that you listen deeply to yourself. That you know what you want and you chase what matters and that you can trust your voice.