I like to brainstorm my series with ChatGPT before I get to writing. I use it less for the output and more for the brainstorming. It’s really good at offering trends and giving insight into the way a certain persona might think (if I prompt it correctly). For this series on allyship and belonging, I asked what questions HR and recruiting professionals are asking ChatGPT about how they can be more helpful to LGBT+ people right now.
It spit out a laundry list of questions that were at least partially useful. But what was most interesting to me wasn’t in that list of questions. It was what the AI said when I asked why humans ask those questions. It said: "These questions show that a lot of HR and recruiting professionals want to do the right thing but aren't always sure where to start—or how to take action in a way that’s meaningful rather than performative."
Well then. OK ChatGPT.
It’s Not Easy Being Brave When You Don’t Know How To Start
There’s a problem with sitting on the sidelines worrying about your impact because often it simply eliminates impact. A 2023 SHRM study found that while 80% of HR professionals want an inclusive environment, over half admitted they had no idea where to start with LGBTQ+ policies. The unfortunate truth? That group probably won’t do anything because they don’t know what to do.
This fear of not knowing where to start is only compounded by the reason we usually avoid change: legal and policy uncertainties. Workplace protections for LGBTQ+ employees vary widely by state and country and are a moving target. It’s next to impossible to predict what will be legal, what wont, and where the legislation is heading next.
Then, there’s the compounding factor that recruiting teams are shrinking and there are simply fewer resources. The most recent data I saw from Gem said that recruiting team size is down 23%.
4 Tips For Allies When You Correct Someone Who Misgenders Others
I love to push the limits of what’s possible with policy and training when it comes to building belonging, but I'm also realistic. If you don’t know where to start and you have no resources, this starts with you. What you do. How you show up. It’s not a big thing either.
One of the hardest small things is to correct others when they misgender an employee. Look, I teach people how to do this and I struggle with correcting others about my pronouns. There’s just something so uncomfortable about correcting someone. You add in the liability of broaching a conversation about their beliefs on trans people and we’ve marched right into red flag territory.
So, come prepared. Not for a fight. Please don’t fight. It doesn’t help anyone. Try this.
- Correct in real time. “It’s (correct pronoun), not (what they said).” For example, “It’s they, not she.” That simple. Repeat it every time they get the pronoun wrong, when they do it. It only takes about 3 per conversation before a brain starts to catch up.
- Keep moving. Do not start a pronoun education session when you’re making a simple correction. Education is for later. Remember, people already don’t do well with corrections. Education has to come when they’re open to it.
- Set a boundary. If they try to say no, suggest politics, or question if trans people are even real, I would simply say: "This isn’t a discussion. They have told us how they want to be referred to and we’re going to do that. It’s not negotiable. We all need to call them by the name they told us to."
- Save up for training. Make room in the budget for building education. Not for the one trans person at work or the one guy who always gets it wrong, but because when we teach people the right way to help? They help. I am available for pronoun education sessions. Book a call here to talk more.
Discomfort is temporary but your impact on others is for a lifetime. I remember when people stood up for me. Their bravery makes me more brave and available to do good. If you want to learn more about misgendering, be sure to download my guide to pronouns and belonging for more. You can get a copy here.
At Three Ears Media, we train teams on pronoun education and building belonging in the workplace. Whether you want to learn how to correct misgendering at a leadership level, support your team in coming out at work, or celebrate Pride in meaningful ways, we’re here to help. Our sessions equip teams with the knowledge and tools to foster an inclusive workplace through education and conversation. We offer team training, consulting, and 1-1 coaching for organizations committed to creating cultures of belonging. Interested in learning more? Book a call with me.
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