Most people are surprised to learn that I never camped as a kid. I played outside a lot, sure, but sleeping in the dirt just wasn’t going to happen. Going pee outside? That’s just a no. Don’t even get me started on doing any other “business” outside. Ew.

So when I made my way near Idaho a few years ago on my solo van trip, my buddy Scott - a pro camper - camped with me for a few nights. He insisted on teaching me about camping. He brought all his gear to show me the cool hacks and tips I just never learned growing up. As he unpacked his gear, he told me what the unfamiliar things were for. Things like a pop out dish bin or smaller cuts of wood for fire starters. A hatchet for breaking down fire wood.

Then, a bag of stuff that was just for me. First, a few more things he had to explain like a pill bottle of quarters. “My Dad always said you never know when you need quarters on the road.” Scott’s Dad was way right about that, by the way. That pill bottle has saved my butt a few times.

Then I saw a hatchet, shaving cream, and a razor for shaving my face.

Defining Allyship

See, when you grow up socialized as a girl no one ever teaches you to shave your face. That’s the thing I was denied coming out as trans and nonbinary so late in my life. I haven’t had those right of passage moments. Scott gave me one of those moments. That is allyship.

Historically, allyship was keeping the secret. I was reminded of this when I watched the Showtime series Fellow Travelers. They show the McCarthy Era from the LGBT+ perspective. I can’t imagine what it must have been like to be served one of those letters that told you that you were accused of being gay. That you would be investigated. Fired. It’s heartbreaking to think about all the things so many people lost.

Today, there’s a new kind of allyship at work that looks a lot more like what my friend Scott gave to me. It’s personal like those moments of masculinity, but it’s also inviting people to the meeting. Correcting pronouns when someone isn’t in the room. Challenging policies that don’t impact your life.

Allyship Activities: What You Can Do As An Ally

So, maybe it’s not buying someone shaving cream at work. But it could be a lot of other behaviors. Here are a few ideas I know would mean a lot to people in corporate America. Remember, if you’re going to advocate for a change on behalf of someone else? Ask if that’s something they care about and want first.

1. Add pronouns to your email. Ask your team to add pronouns to their email signatures - now or after someone on the team comes out to show their support. 30% of Gen-Z identify as queer and this is a great opportunity to show vs tell your values of inclusion. More on adding pronouns to your email signature and why I think a policy might *not* be your best first step here. 
2. Gender neutral bathrooms. Advocating for a gender neutral bathroom even if you won't be using it. It’s this easy to make a gender neutral bathroom: put a sign over the original one that says what’s in the room (gender neutral toilets, urinals). I watched this done at a conference hall that serves over 10,000 people. Your tiny office will manage.
3. Policy and benefits. Not all things are created equally - especially when it comes to benefits and what they cover for trans people. Work with HR to advocate for policies and benefits that create more equal coverage.
4. Pay speakers. Talk to the right people about getting a budget for hiring speakers instead of putting all the emotional weight on employees to tell their stories and be vulnerable. As a Pride speaker, I choose to share my story. I can have hard conversations. I don’t have to look at these people every day. Don’t put that on your employees. (Need a speaker for Pride? Let’s talk.)

The smallest things can make a huge impact when it comes to allyship. But most importantly, remember that allyship starts with listening. It is respectful of just how out people want to be.