On my first visit to the Grand Canyon, I thought it looked like a big hole in the ground, the first sign of me being addicted to negativity. “I can’t believe people come from all over the world just to see this,” I caught myself saying as I fought the crowds of people speaking different languages to get a front row glimpse. I even took the tour bus all the way around to see if there was something I just hadn’t found. Nope. Just a big hole in the ground. 

This past weekend, I intended to make a trip back to this big hole in the ground so my girlfriend could experience it. The weather had a different plan: snow. We diverted. While I prefer being cold to hot, below freezing is just a little too cold for two people and a tiny dog. Our new plan was to head back to the place where my van life journey began. 

No, not Colorado. St George, Utah. Before I ever found a van of my own, I rented one to test myself. Yes, test myself. I had my doubts about this whole thing. I mean, I had never even been camping before. I needed to do a trial run to see if this experience was for me in the worst conditions. Van life Instagram had me convinced it was a good idea, but would I be miserable? 

It was August in Las Vegas. Walking off the plane, I remember thinking if I could enjoy doing this in that miserable desert heat, I’d be just fine living van life. It makes me laugh a little to realize how naive it was to think weather was the only factor that would cause chaos in this van life. There was actually enough chaos for a whole book on the adventure (buy your copy here). Talk about blinders.  

As we pulled into the campsite I stayed at all those years ago, I felt dizzy with deja vu. Each of these big life events started flooding my mind. I have lived a thousand lives since I was here less than three years ago. The me that wandered into this campsite all those years ago felt younger than I do now. I was so curious. Excited. 

That van trip felt so magical because it was the first time I felt optimistic about the rest of my life. I had dreams of traveling all my life. I just never thought they were possible. I wanted to travel for months at a time to big cities, but I owned a house. I wanted to build a booming company, but I had never led a company. I went through an entire pile of dreams wrapped in a big ol’ “but,” killed off by negativity. 

Thinking back, I have spent most of my life addicted to negativity. I didn’t grow up around optimists. Most of them never thought anything would change about their life unless it got worse or they won the lottery. I took that sentiment into adulthood. We can call it a healthy dose of skepticism, but I can see how it stole a lot of beauty from my days. How it made me think that the Grand Canyon was just some hole in the ground. 

Being addicted to negativity has impacted my life in many ways, but most of all in stealing the joy from all these beautiful places. So in this canyon where I felt hope for the first time all those years ago, I decided to quit being addicted to negativity. I will no longer look at the world from behind a set of negative glasses. I quit expecting the worst. I quit being surprised when things don’t go to shit. I quit telling myself that failure is inevitable. I quit looking at the Grand Canyon and all these beautiful, miraculous wonders of the world like some big hole in the ground. 

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This letter was inspired by a poem from Andrea Gibson I am sharing below. Follow them. It’ll make your life more beautiful.  

The first time I visited the Grand Canyon 

I was in a shame-deadened terrible mood 

And saw nothing but a hole in the dry-boned earth. 

Left cursing the overrated wonder of our world. 

The next time I visited the Grand Canyon 

I was high on having just discovered poetry,

But rolled up to the place expecting to see

The same mediocrity I’d seen before. 

Instead my jaw dropped five thousand feet

To the flushed face of a primrose blooming

Beside a river that was licking six million years 

Of tectonic plates serving the best meal 

My eyes had ever been served.

I didn’t know what had happened

Until many years later when I heard

Anais Min say, “we do not see this world 

How it is. We see it how we are.” 

Regularly reminding myself of this sentiment 

Has changed my life for the better in so many ways. 

“We do not see this world 

How it is. We see it how we are.” 

- Andrea Gibson