I've spoken at three events in three weeks about how to use AI to write a job post, and there has been a trend during the Q&A. Most of the questions aren't about the tactics I present. People are on board with that. Instead, they ask questions about how to change other people’s minds. The context is usually “I want to do what you said, but the hiring manager…” Then comes an array of explanations and often degrading descriptions. "He's a real jerk," they say. Or more colorful language I won't repeat here.

While I love a little sarcasm and a good joke, if the last decade of politics and another 15 years in recruiting have taught me anything, the blame game doesn’t incentivize change. 

I know the people I speak with don’t go yelling at hiring managers, “change your mind, you fool!” Regardless, I know a feeling of us vs them lingers in their connection. I’ve worked in corporate America. “Shake It Off” is a Taylor Swift song, not an ability taught to people at work that experience a challenge to their perception. 

I surely was never good at shaking anything off. I’m still not. Bonus, I have no poker face. People can read my reactions like a billboard on my forehead that says, “I don’t like you,” when that’s the case. I’m not alone in that. Most people (who aren’t narcissists) give signals in their body language or word choice that indicate they’re not quite happy even when they say nothing at all. 

However, I know the reaction to my billboard. It’s not change. Never has it been the other person’s response to immediately changing their mind or the way they’ve done something their entire life. Whether it’s low stakes like where to get coffee or high stakes like hiring. They don’t want to change. That’s a human thing, not even a reaction to my billboard. 

You don’t have to like everybody or get a poker face to create change. But if you do want to change someone’s mind, you should try figuring out the mutual goal.  

If I take a minute to assume I have a mutual goal with someone, I can start a conversation that might actually change their mind. Truthfully, I’m good at this with low stakes conversations like convincing a hiring manager to delete a degree requirement. Our mutual goal is that we want to keep our jobs and hire the best person. Easy. 

It’s admittedly harder when I’m talking about high stakes like trans rights. But even with something so personal to me, I can imagine one of our mutual goals might be autonomy in healthcare. Shouldn’t everyone be allowed to talk to their doctor and make decisions about their bodies without federal regulation? 

While we may not agree or even like each other, I know I’m not going to change anyone’s mind - at work or anywhere else - if I start our interaction by deciding to hate them for not wanting to change. It doesn’t excuse the behavior. It doesn’t sit in silence. It does assume we’re both people who want to live better lives and we have at least one thing in common. 

The more we change our minds about changing our mind - whether it’s about people, recruiting best practices, or change itself - the more we have a chance to change our world. Even if it’s just the people around your table in the conference room. 

This is a preview of my upcoming book. If you want to be one of the first people notified when that book is available, fill out the form below.