Key Takeaways

• Networking feels unnatural because our brains are wired to distrust strangers—not because we’re bad at it.
• The most effective networking strategy is simple: notice people, understand what they care about, and engage authentically.
• Being relatable beats being impressive—people respond to feeling seen more than polished messaging.
• On LinkedIn, credibility comes first: build a complete, active profile before reaching out.
• Start small and intentional: identify 5–10 relevant people at a time based on shared interests, roles, or goals.
• Engagement > cold outreach: comment thoughtfully on posts (ideally with real questions) before sending a connection request.
• Personalization matters: reference your interaction and ask a genuine follow-up question when connecting.
• Avoid automation: human curiosity and imperfect, real interactions outperform scripted or AI-generated outreach.
• Low risk, high upside: the worst outcome is no response—the best is a meaningful connection.
• Core principle: networking is just one human talking to another—treat it that way.

Networking Without Connections

I moved 13 times before I graduated high school and I had no idea it was preparing me to know how to network when I didn’t know anybody. Almost every year of my education, I had a first day at a new school - an experience most folks only have 2 or 3 times as they move from one local school to the next age grade. 

I had no planned strategy for how I’d meet people, but I knew that being funny was my way in. But I understood something about being funny: the joke has to be funny to that person, not funny to you. I learned what they cared about and laughed at, then made jokes about those things. 

My ability to notice everything is what opened doors for conversations. I listened carefully to how people talked and the regional words they used like saying pop instead of soda. I learned what they cared about. That ultimately became the way I would find something to say. While I may not have always had the same sense of humor as the other kids, everyone loves to be noticed. Of course, I didn’t know that at the time. I just wanted to make friends. I did what I thought would work. The results? The people either became friends or bullies. I’ll tell the story about beating a boy up in kindergarten some other time. 

Yep, We All Hate Networking

No wonder I hate networking so much now. I already used up all my energy for it before I even got to work. I know I’m not alone - and not because everyone has used up their social battery but because the idea of networking has a really bad reputation. I asked in a poll on LinkedIn: When I say "networking when you don't know anyone," how does that make you feel? The most popular answer was “I want to barf.” Yes, really. You can see it for yourself here. 

In my research into networking and why we all hate meeting strangers so much, it’s pretty obvious to me that the problem isn’t with our brains, it’s how our brains interpret networking itself because networking isn’t normal. Stranger danger goes all the way back to cave times. Back in our hunter-gatherer days, a stranger was a potential threat. Our brains are hardwired to be cautious around people we don’t know. While we’ve modernized, our brains still feel a danger signal when we face an unknown. 

Yet we still get bullied into networking with people we don’t know. How do we survive the torment of small talk, especially to network with people we don’t know? In my survey on LinkedIn LINK, one of the big elements was situational. Which, same. I am much better at networking with strangers on LinkedIn than in person. So I’m not giving you any advice on networking IRL. You will not see me at happy hour. 

Networking On LinkedIn When You Don’t Know Anyone

I covered this with students at a technical college in Wisconsin a few weeks ago in my new session for job seekers called How To Use LinkedIn When You Don’t Know Anyone. Here’s what I taught them.

1. Update your profile, post, and start interacting with others on LinkedIn. More on how to update your profile here. When you send a message to network and that person looks at your profile, they shouldn’t see an empty page.  I want at least 3 posts, 3 comments, a complete profile, and a handful of connections before you move on to step 2. This distinguishes your profile from fake profiles on LinkedIn. 
2. Make a targeted list of people you want to connect with on LinkedIn, five or 10 at a time. This list might include people who work in the ideal department at your dream company. People who went to the college you went to. People who have jobs you might want. People who say they’re hiring. People who comment smart things on posts that are relevant to your career.
3. Go to a profile from that short list of 5 to 10 people and look for recent post or article activity. If there is none, look at their About and Work History for commonalities. Let’s assume they have recent posts because in some cases, if they don’t have recent posts? That might be a sign they don’t look at LinkedIn often and may not be a good connection. 
4. Comment on a recent LinkedIn post with a question you have about that topic. Do not automate this step with any tool. Leave a real question if you want to talk to a real person.  You can use AI for this step if you feel stumped. Use this prompt: what are 10 good follow up questions I can use to open the door for a conversation with this person?
5. Follow up after your question with a connection request. In the message, ask another question. Say something like, “Hey, I asked this on your profile but wanted to ask you a few more questions if you’re willing…” 

Remember, there’s no harm in asking. Worst case, you’re right back where you started without the connection. The most important thing to keep in mind is that you are a human talking to another human. Do not use ChatGPT. Being human, noticing details, and even making awkward mistakes is what will make you stand out when you’re networking with people you don’t know on LinkedIn.